Why does my screenwash need to smell of bubblegum?

Now I’m clearly missing something. Surely my aim with screenwash is to see through the windscreen. I’m not trying to lick it.

I was in B&M the other day because I needed a tub of AdBlue and some screenwash for the car. I admit I did inadvertently buy the bubblegum screenwash, mostly because it was the only option. I just grabbed the jug and off I went to the checkout.

It was then that I read the label. “Screenwash.” Good, that’s what I want. “Made in Britain.” Bonus points for the economy. “Bubblegum scent.” I did a double take.

Bubblegum scent? In screenwash?

Somewhere along the way, removing a dead fly from a piece of glass became an opportunity to introduce a confectionery fragrance.

I thought screenwash had a fairly straightforward job. Get the muck off, help the wipers along and, provided you’ve bought the appropriate stuff, avoid freezing when it gets cold. I wasn’t aware that the smell was an area crying out for improvement. Certainly not an improvement involving bubblegum. Do people go around smelling car windscreens? Is that a thing? Have I been walking past them all these years missing out?

Who wanted this? Was someone driving along, giving the windscreen a squirt and thinking, “Visibility’s much better, admittedly, but the experience lacks a certain pick ’n’ mix quality”?

Perhaps people simply like the smell. Fair enough. I like plenty of things that aren’t strictly necessary. It’s the discovery of yet another thing we can now have a fragrance preference about that makes me want to sit down and have a gin and tonic.

Buying screenwash really should to be one of those small, unremarkable jobs you can complete without consulting your personality. You need some, you buy some, you put it in the car. Now there’s a moment in the process when you find yourself considering whether bubblegum is what you want from your windscreen.

I’d rather save my decision-making capacity for something that matters, such as what’s for tea or whether that noise the car’s making is going to be expensive and can I ignore it for another month.

There’s also something peculiar about making a car-cleaning liquid smell of sweets. I don’t open the bonnet hoping to recreate the atmosphere of a childhood birthday party. Usually I’m just hoping I’ve identified the right cap and won’t have to get the handbook out.

Nobody’s forcing me to buy it, of course, although in this instance I already had. It does leave me wondering what goes on in product development meetings. I hope nobody spent an entire afternoon sat in a boardroom somwhere discussing how to shift more screenwash before someone finally said, “You know what this needs? Bubblegum.”

I’d have been quite happy with just a clear windscreen.